The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
sarcasm needs its own font
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
