Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
