she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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