Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
