Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
