Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
