I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize