i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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