I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
