Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
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