If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
