i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
