careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
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i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
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Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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