the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
