This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
