hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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