Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
