I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
