Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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