If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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