im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I need moral support for this bender
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
