the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
