im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
