Soap is not a condiment
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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