census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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