He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
