Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
