2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I could make wine with my vomit
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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