Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
it's like iHOP with fire
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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