every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
