sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
