He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
