Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
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I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
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I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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