On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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