It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
