If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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