How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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