Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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