I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
