I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
