Umm I'm too high to move.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
