Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
