Fine. I'll sleep in my office
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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