so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
