history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
