I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
