she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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