You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
