Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
