your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
