I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
