make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
