Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
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Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.