Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
there was a trapeze. enough said
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
