Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Your penis caused this!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
