You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
