at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
