I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
