grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
