Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
my being single is dangerous.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize