Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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