im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I wish there were birth control emojis
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
