glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
