Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
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we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
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You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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