Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
