A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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