saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
