remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
