Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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