"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize