so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
