she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
