Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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