Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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