im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
