it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
