u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
