You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
