I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
