so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
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It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
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Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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