Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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