I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
