Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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