I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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